Thursday, January 19, 2006
Somethings get wonderful. They only need time and patience. I need to learn the latter.
I have more information now than on the-ere this entry below. The problem is, i'm not smart in my depressed episodes so i always need to be in the manic... I should talk more and think less.
I deserve happiness more than anybody else!
posted @ 12:14 PM CST [link] [Karma: 14 (+/-)]
Thursday, January 12, 2006
I'm torn between decisions. I can't seem to get the will of losing either one of the sides.
I need a strong will-power. Something which i am afraid to do! because i always blow it whenever i try.
I have actually started to abominate... i think i need some time alone; away from conceiving already-known failed plans. Give myself a break; get to know more who i am!
posted @ 12:21 PM CST [link] [11 Comments
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Something went right for the very frist time, i had this day for it to come. I think i have what it takes, A Big Thanks to my very/only friend in the universe! [Good luck miss fortunate! you have a long way to go...]
posted by @ 12:51 PM CST [more..] [7 Comments
Monday, January 9, 2006
Today something is feeling very different than yesterday. I hope it's the side effect of the pills that is taking control.
I hope i renew!
And tomorrow is eid. Bad timing! All i need is to think and realize more...
posted @ 12:15 PM CST [link] [8 Comments
Sunday, January 8, 2006
-Had one of those hard days with hypersomnia.
-Realized things i should have before... and self-centerdness is not the only answer to my problems. I should now live with what is 'real' and cope with delusions and especailly 'manic episodes'.
posted @ 11:48 AM CST [link] [8 Comments
Saturday, January 7, 2006
Went to my psychologist today, had a prescription. Just hoping to bring down the fatigue, that is causing drastic halt in motor activities. I just wanna keep both the strength and energy up and save them for better causes, than just squander them for anxiety.
I need to be happier than ever. Like my psychologist put it: there are percentages available, 10 for happiness and the rest 90 go for issues and problems you'll encounter in everyday life. Just load your day with the 1st option; then eventually you'll learn to cope happily with the latter.
posted @ 12:31 PM CST [link] [5 Comments
Friday, January 6, 2006
I never knew i was gonna go through all of this; but self-discovery cools off as is its role to do so - make us comfortable by putting the pressure of obfuscation down. I can't believe i finally got the answer to this one mainstream question i've been asking myself these past four years: what am i made up of? easy! [i'm a bipolar disorder patient.] An onset since the age of 15. No wonder why i couldn't control my feelings... and had ruins on my relationships.
Reading the symptoms was like reading the thorough chapters of my entire life. I couldn't stop crying. Cause i knew there was something wrong with me; and no one [nobody] was attentive of my pain and sufferings and still so... For what is worse it has a level of severity with psychomotor retardation, starting point - 10th grade.
I'm hopefully trying to rebuild myself, the sad part is no one is really there as a witness to this long run. I was long kept in darkness it is time to reconcile and live with it since i've decided to keep it! because with bipolar disorder comes the creative geniusness (something i had faith on me). What i now need is to get my brain jets running at the speed of light. That's right! there i am striving hard, and i know i'll get there, cause i'm meant to. What i should do is to level it down to something less than PMR.
I'll have to say that nothing precious comes easy. My efforts and pains will pay off. I shouldn't forget this day!
posted @ 01:19 PM CST [link] [2 Comments
sword alias: narsil
color: full spectrum
music: rock (any genre); used to have conservative prospect on mainstream; but now anything imitating my mood except for rap and hipop!
theatrical performers: ian mickellen, viggo mortensen, kate blanchette
fictional characters: darth vader, mithrandir.
personal interests: UAPs (unidentified aerial phenomenon), filmmaking, equations (as in mathematics!), psychology (Jungian especially), dream interpretation, vocabulary, end of civilization on earth - universal secrets... (i'm serious!)
cite: don't let the life of the world beguile you.